God and Snow. What a Day!

God and Snow. What a great day.

Winter has arrived. Snow snow snow snow snow snow.
And I love the SNOW!

And I thank the Lord for keeping me safe on the roads today. I'm discovering my little car is not nearly as good at driving in snow as my parents van was!

And something really hit home with me at church this morning and I wanted to share it.


-We receive renewal by waiting for the Lord. Isaiah 40:30-31 Yes we know that verse but...
-To 'wait' is not just merely killing time, but living a life of CONFIDENT EXPECTATION before the Lord.

I love that.

The TV.

What is it about TV? Why do I like watching TV? Why, when I think of a relaxing evening at home, does my mind go to watching a television show? What is so great about TV? Why do I look forward to a new episode of a weekly TV show? Is it normal that I'd rather watch a TV show than read a book, even the Bible? Or am I just so lazy that I'd rather sit and watch then hold up a book and think and read? I'm certain this isn't just me who feels this way. I can't believe how much time I waste watching TV shows. Is it discontentment that leads me to enjoy being absorbed in someone else's life for an hour? It is loneliness that drives me to enjoy watching TV friends live their lives on a show? Is it my timidness that brings me to enjoy watching their reality TV adventure from my couch? What is it with TV? What IS IT with TV!!??!!

Side by Side
They lie on the table side by side
The Holy Bible and the TV Guide.
One is well worn and cherished with pride.
Not the Bible, but the TV Guide.
One is used daily to help folks decide.
No, not the Bible, But the TV Guide.
As the pages are turned, what shall they see,
Oh, what does it matter, turn on the TV
So they open the book in which they confide,
No, not the Bible, but the TV Guide.
The Word of God is seldom read.
Maybe a verse before they fall into bed.
Exhausted and sleepy and tired as can be.
Not from reading the Bible, from watching TV
So then back to the table side by side,
Lie the Holy Bible and the TV Guide.
No time for prayer, no time for the Word,
The plan of Salvation is seldom heard.
But forgiveness of sin, so full and free,
Is found in the Bible, not on TV.
(Poem from the Turn Back to God website)

This video is somewhat related with its play on American Idol and other reality shows. And it always makes me laugh. Watch it right to the end; so so funny.

Another Year Ahead

My family is visiting today as I'm heading into the next year of my life!

Dear Lord, may these words be true of me in the year to come.

Galatians 2:19-20
I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

To Know You by Casting Crowns:
More than my next breath - More than life or death
All I'm reaching for, I live my life to know you more.
I leave it all behind, you are all that satisfies
To know you is to want to know you more.
To know you is never worry for my life,
To know you is to never to give in or compromise,
To know you is to want to tell the world about you
Cause I can't live without you.
To know you is to hear your voice when you are calling
To know you is to catch my brother when he is falling
To know you is to feel the pain of the broken hearted
Cause they can't live with out you.
To know you is to ache for more than ordinary
To know you is to look beyond the temporary
To know you is believing that you will be enough
Cause there is no life without you.
All this life could offer me, could not compare to you.
And I count it all as lost, compared to knowing you.

Love Song for a Saviour

I've been listening to this Christian radio station called K-Love in the mornings as I get ready for work and at work. I've noticed an improvement in my attitude in the morning since I started listening to Christian music instead of a secular morning show I use to put on (no more cable tv for me!). Proof that doing your devotions in the morning (and not at night like I tend to do) is the best idea.

I've been singing this song all day, ever since I heard it on the radio this morning. It's an old song but still is awesome!

James MacDonald: "I'm Not Giving Up"

So today I was listening to this amazing sermon by James MacDonald called "I'm Not Giving Up".

Its based on the first verse in Hebrews 12 - and this verse is very special to me. When I was kid, our family had these tapes we listened to in the car - GT and the Halo Express. And in these stories, there were Bible verses put to song. And Heb 12:1 was in my favourite tape on perseverance called Winning the Great Race of Faith-How to Overcome Adversity. I actually claimed this tape a few years ago when my family was moving and getting rid of some stuff. I still have it and would be listening to it right now if I could, but I don't have a tape player in my apartment.

Anyways so Heb 12:1 says: Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance, the race marked out for us. (Well those are the words to the song, I don't know if that's the verse exactly word for word.)

This song and the other songs from the green Perseverance tape, I've had in my head my whole life. This was especially true back in university when I worked at an accounting firm that I absolutely hated. Every day on the drive to the office I would listen to this tape in my car. I would fast forward to each of the songs and sing them on the drive - giving me the push I needed to make it through another horrible day at that place. And no, I really am not ashamed to say I was listening to a children's tape. The message was what I needed. And what I need today.

Okay, so back to the James MacDonald sermon. I was listening away, taking some notes on the sermon, taking it all to heart. But then I realized it was over, and it was only half done - there's a second part to the sermon, and I cant find it ANYWHERE. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. I've searched the internet and James' Walk in the Word website but I can't find it. Anyone happen to have it on their computer!?! Long shot I know, but doesn't hurt to ask.

I'll share with you the points in the sermon so far:

Why is it so hard to endure?
-people
-circumstances
-power (not depending on God's power)

I CAN endure because

1. my heroes are watching.
-the cloud of witnesses, people who have gone before me and remained faithful to the Lord, they want me to keep going - not to grow weary, not to give up. They want me to keep fighting, keep trying. My home team is cheering me on.

2. the weights are coming off.
-throw off the things that are weighing me down. This doesn't necessarily mean sin/things that are wrong, but simply things that are not helping me to persevere. Egs. watching TV (this isn't helping me focus on what is important) a relationship (don't become consumed with 1 person, its not wrong to care-its good to care, but don't let it consume you. Don't let your happiness depend on the other person.) financial goals, your dream to own a boat, etc
-this includes SIN also, things are nothing but weights weighing you down - unbelief, gossip, gluttony

3.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I don't know what the rest of the sermon says!!!
Someone please tell me!

A Reminder for me

Rebecca - Even in this hour when you are feeling lost or bored or confused or abandoned or alone or hopeless, remind yourself of the things that you know are TRUE. God loves me and I am His bride. He has not forgotten about me. He has NOT forgotten about me - not now, not ever. He has plans for me. He has a whole life planned for me. I have a future. God knows the plans He has for me, plans for wholeness and not for evil, plans to prosper me and plans to give me a hope and a future. I need to find rest and peace in HIM. He has not left me even if I don't know what He is doing or what His plans are. He is my strength to get through another long day. He will fill me up. I am not alone through this, even if there isn't a single person around to give me a hug, or to confide in or to get an encouraging word from - He is here. He is always here. He will never leave me or forsake me. I am His child and He loves me. My life may have troubles - my life WILL have troubles, but He is bigger than all my troubles and can overcome them. There is nothing too big or complicated for Him. He is in control. He sees the big picture. He cares about my stresses and my worries and tells me to give them over to Him. I can trust in Him. He will not break my heart. Run with perseverance Rebecca - you do have great purpose.

Be strong and take heart all you who hope in the Lord. Psalm 31:24

Even youths shall faith and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted, but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faith. Isaiah 40:30-31

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in YOU. Psalm 39:7

Why are you cast down O my soul and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God. Psalm 43:5

Your words were found and I ate them and Your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by Your name O Lord God of hosts. - Jeremiah 15:16

"Glory follows Suffering, and Life follows Death."

This week has been one of the toughest and confusing weeks I've had here in London. Full of frustrations, stresses, confusion, disappointments - my emotions running so high - and yet still in a flash, some amazing moments I will forever cherish. I've felt my flesh side fighting against what I know is best for me and for the moment, and felt so conflicted between my emotions and my logic. And ahhhhhhh, I can't really describe it all to you.

But what I can describe to you is what I've been reminded of this afternoon as I've spent some time with the Lord focusing on what I know He has told me is TRUE.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count all things as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake, I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him - not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, a righteousness from God that depends on faith. That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible, I may attain resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers I do not consider that I have made it my own. but one thing I do - forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead - I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:7-14

"You can't have a testimony without a test." - John Osteen

"Never doubt in the darkness what Jesus reveals in the light."

"Be encouraged - for where there is a shadow, there's a light."

"The task ahead of me is never as great as the power behind me."

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

"Sometimes the Lord calms the storm, sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

"Remember the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank You Jesus'."

"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God who is shaking them." - Charles West.

Quotes from Why by Anne Graham Lotz:

"Joy also in this - that your suffering, your losses and your persecutions shall make you a platform from which the more vigorously and with greater power you shall witness to Christ Jesus." - Charles Spurgeon

"The greatest place to be is in the center of God's will. Because when we are in God's will, He takes full responsibility for us. And although bad things may happen, we have the assurance that they are for our good and His glory."

"If God were small enough for us to understand, He would not be big enough to save us."

"Glory follows suffering and life follows death."

"Are you interpreting His love by your circumstances instead of your circumstances by His love?

"To our heart-wrenched cries of 'why?' God's ultimate answer is JESUS as He is glorified and magnified in our lives through our suffering."

"As the Clay" Explained...

I'm reading this book called "Why? Trusting God When You Don't Understand" by Anne Graham Lotz. There's a passage in the very first chapter that really struck me, and it explains exactly where I was coming from when I titled this blog "As the Clay" and wrote the little tag line to go with it. Here it is:

"The principle that suffering leads to glory is illustrated in Scripture by a vivid description of clay on the Potter's wheel - clay that was once cracked, shattered, and broken, clay that was totally useless and ugly. The Potter took the clay and broke it down even further, grinding it into dust, then moistening it with water before He put it on His wheel and began to remake it into a vessel pleasing to Himself. The cracks and chips and broken pieces disappeared as the clay became soft and pliable to the Potter's touch. He firmly applied pressure on some areas, touched lightly on other areas, added more clay to a specific spot that needed filling, and removed clay that hindered the shape that would make it useful for His ultimate purpose. As He turned the wheel, His loving gentle hands never left the clay as He molded and made it after His will.
Finally, the Potter finished remolding the clay and took it off the wheel. Under His skilled, gentle hands, the once-ugly clay had been transformed into a vessel that had shape and purpose. He added colour, carefully painting on a unique design. But the clay was still soft and weak, the colour dull and drab. So the Potter placed the vessel into the fiery kiln, carefully keeping His eye on it as He submitted it to the raging heat. At a time He alone determined was sufficient, the Potter withdrew the pot from the furnace. The blazing heat had radically transformed the clay into a vessel of strength and glorious multi-coloured beauty. Then the Potter put it in His showcase so that others might see the revelation of His glory in the work of His hands.
The spiritual principle is that in some way God uses suffering to transform ordinary, dust-clay people into vessels that are strong in faith, vessels that are fit for His use, vessels that display His glory to the watching world."

Weekend @ Home!

I was able to go home this past weekend - for Thanksgiving, but also for both of my parents birthdays. It was really special for me to be able to be there and celebrate with them. Mom, Dad, Kristi, Chewie and I had a great weekend together. The only problem I have with going home is that I find myself feeling pretty lonely when I get back to my quiet apartment in London. It's too bad Chewie doesnt like my small apartment or she would make a great companion. But don't worry Kristi, she doesnt like it here! hahaha

Book Review: Passion and Purity

I recently finished reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. It was highly recommended to me quite a while ago so I finally decided to give it a read.

So what did I think....well, personally I found it a little long, and at certain points in the book, I was quite frustrated with Jim's actions. I know, funny for me to say considering how amazing a person Jim Elliot was, but I'm just being honest. But I do know that the book was full of wise words from a Godly woman. Here are some quotes that touched me:

"Until your affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship.

"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because the pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

"the heart set to do the Father's will need never fear defeat."

"What has been like water from the well of Bethlehem to you recently? Love, friendship, spiritual blessing? Then at the peril of your soul you take it to satisfy yourself. If you do, you cannot pour it out before the Lord. How am I to pour out spiritual gifts or natural frienship or love? How can I give them to the Lord? In one way only-in the determination of the mind, and that takes about two seconds. If I hold spiritual blessings or friendship (or love) for myself they will corrupt me, no matter how beautiful they are. I have to pour them out before the Lord, give them to Him in my mind, though it looks as if I am wasting them, even as David poured the water out on the sand, to be instantly sucked up." - Oswald Chambers

"The majority will sacrifice anything - security, honor, self-respect, the welfare of people they love, obedience to God - to passion. They will even tell themselves that they are obeying God (or at least that He doesn't mind) and congratulate themselves for being so free, so released, so courageous, so honest and "up front"."

"The greater the potential for good, the greater the potential for evil. That is what Jim and I found in the force of the love we bore for each other. A good and perfect gift, these natural desires. But so much the more necessary that they be restrained, controlled, corrected, even crucified, that they might be reborn into power and purity for God...His we were, all the rights were His, all the perogatives to give or to withhold according to the pattern of His will."

"Lovesickness may seem a trifle compared with other maladies, but the one who is sick with love is sick indeed, and the Heavenly Father understands that."

"We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live."

"If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Aren't they given to us to offer? It is the control of passion, not the eradication, that is needed. How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?"

"Let's be candid with ourselves before God. Call a spade a spade or even a muddy shovel. If your passions are aroused, say so - to yourself and to God, not to the object of your passion. Then turn the reins over to God. Bring your will to Him. Will to obey Him, ask for His help. He will not do the obeying for you, but He will help you. Dont' ask me how. He knows. You'll see."

"We're created men and women. If Adam needed Eve and she was made for him, isn't it natural, then, isn't it altogether fitting and proper, that men and women should hunger for each other? It is natural indeed. However, it's not the only thing God has in mind for us. We are not meant to live merely by what is natural. We need to learn to live by the supernatural. Ordinary fare will not fill the emptiness in our hearts. Bread will not suffice. We need extraordinary fare. We need manna. How else will we learn to eat it, if we are never hungry? How will we educate our tastes for heavenly things if we are surfeited with earthly? Sex simply will not suffice any more than bread will. My heart was saying, "Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long." The Lord was answering, "I must teach you to long for something better." "...He fed you on manna which neither you nor your fathers had known before, to teach you that men cannot live on bread alone but lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.""

Book Review: Coping with Chronic Illness

I finished reading this book a while ago (Coping with Chronic Illness by H Norman Wright and Lynn Ellis) but I took notes as I was reading, and this morning I went back and reviewed them. I’ve decided to share some of the great things I’ve learned with you.

I am NOT my Fibromyalgia. I am NOT my chronic fatigue syndrome. I am a person not an illness. I’m not just my aching muscles or hurting joints. I am more than this. I am more than my body. I am a choice person, a child of the King. I am loved just as I am. I know that my true identity is not found in my body or in my accomplishments in this world; I am not just my flesh and bones. I am a child of God and God adores me. It is with this realization in mind that I have learned to cope with the worldly losses that come with these illnesses. These losses are a crucial upset in my life. But is it the end of my life? NO. These diagnoses are not a death sentence. They are an invitation to rebuild my life in a new and meaningful way; to develop a new normal. I can still have a rich and fulfilling life. Grief has been my companion and has taught me a lot but I can use it now to grow into a stronger person than I was before my losses, and now I can be used by God in a way that I could not before.

There are 3 important steps that I need to take for learning to live with these illnesses:

1. First, I need to learn to accept my limitations so that I can move on. I need to let go of my unrealistic expectations. I need to learn phrases like “I would like to, but today I can’t”, “I used to be able to participate, but now I’m an observer”. See a part of me is searching for the old me and part of me is struggling with cutting my losses and getting on with it – although it would certainly help if I knew what “it” was going to be. But I have to learn to accept this uncertainly in my life. Dwelling on the uncertainty takes an incredible amount of energy, which drains my already limited physical energy. Add that with self doubt as I worry about what others think when they look at me like I’m just lazy and it’s a recipe for disaster. I have to believe myself. I know my body. I know myself. My symptoms are real no matter what others think and I don’t need their validation. I may not have control over my illness but I do have control over what I think and I won’t let others have control over me. Which leads me to point number two.

2. I need to rebuild my thought life. Attitude is key and I need to remember to focus on the cans and not the can’ts; focus on what I know and not on what I don’t know. Remember that I do have control over this part of my life and I will not be slave to negative thoughts or self pity. Focus on the positive, be optimistic and rebuild the hope for a great future. Surrounding myself with good positive people will be a great help for this.

3. The last point is to find something I am passionate about that I am still able to do. This is still something I am working on. I can’t be physically active a lot, and I can’t be out and about often either, but as I learn to manage my illness, I hopefully won’t need to sleep all the time, so I need to find something positive to fill the quiet evenings in my life. This is still something I am praying about.


I hope I am able to help at least one person out there who is reading this.

If nothing else, just remember this one line that stood out to me from the book: “Give yourself permission not to know what, not to know how, and not to know when. God is holding you and He knows the direction of your drift.”

Chronic Illness and The Bible

Given the circumstances of my life, this is something I’ve been doing some reading into and research on and I’d like to share what I’ve found.

In Luke 8 and Mark 5 there is s story about a woman with a chronic illness:
"And a woman was there who had a haemorrhage for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering."

The Bible talks a lot about suffering, but what about physical pain?

Jeremiah 10:19 My wound is severe, and my grief is great. My sickness is incurable, but I must bear it.
Jeremiah 15:18 Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed?

These questions are normal because even David, a man after God’s own heart, asked these questions:

Psalm 13:1-3 How long O Lord, will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O lord my God. Give light to me eyes, or I will sleep in the death.

Why does pain have to exist in our lives? Here are 10 reasons found in the Bible:
1. Silences and refutes Satan (Job 1-2)
2. Gives God an opportunity to be glorified (John 11:4)
3. Can make us more like Christ (Phil 3:10, Heb 2:10-11)
4. Can make us more appreciative (Romans 8:28)
5. Teaches us to depend on God (Exodus 14:11-12, Isaiah 40:28-31)
6. Enables us to exercise our faith (Job 23:10, Romans 8:24-25)
7. Teaches us patience (Romans 5:3, James 1:2-3)
8. Can make us sympathetic (2 Cor 1:3-6)
9. Can make and keeps us humble (2 Cor 12:7-10)
10.Brings rewards (2 Tim 2:12, 1 Peter 4:12-14)


Dear Lord,
I don’t like this illness, but by faith, I rejoice that You are up to something good in my life. In this sadness I pray that I discover a new aspect of Your character, and reach a new understanding of You that I could not have known without this loss in my life. I know You are acquainted with grief, and so You understand. I know You are present, and there is never a moment that You aren’t walking with me. You have not abandoned me. And although You don’t always explain why we go through these things, it doesn’t mean You don’t care. You are the center of all things, and that means you must be the center of this suffering. Through this, help me become more like You. Stay close with me.
Love, Rebecca

Life is Not Always Easy

Unfortunately, life is not always easy. As I sit here typing this, I'm aching and hurting all over. I played in the baseball tournament yesterday and I have come to realize there are limits to what I can do. I knew this in my head but now my body knows this. If you read my June post called "Dear Body of Mine", I'm having to accept it all over again. I pray that God will give me peace as I trust Him, remember to be thankful for what I can do, focus on the positives in my life and give all the glory to Him for me being well enough to serve Him at Teen Challenge.

Isaiah 43: 1-3
I have called you by name Rebecca, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you-when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and the flame will not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy one of Isreal, your Saviour.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in these weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with this weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong.


I have said these things to you, that in me you have peace. In the world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)

Joy!

There's nothing much new for me to post, except the same ol' "I'm so thankful to be here" jazz. So instead I'll just post some lyrics which sum up my thoughts these days:

JOY by the Newsboys
You give me joy that's unspeakable
And I like it
Your love for me is irresistible
I can't fight it
You carried the cross and took my shame
I believe it
You shine Your light of amazing grace
I recieve it

WALK BY FAITH by Jeremy Camp
I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

SPOKEN FOR by MercyMe
Covered by your love divine
Child of the risen Lord
To hear you say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

SMILE by Uncle Kracker
You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Shout Unto God!!!

The enemy has been defeated and death couldn't hold you down.
We're gonna lift our voice in victory, we're gonna make your praises loud.
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph, shout unto God with a voice of praise.
Shout unto God with a voice of triumph, we lift your name up, we lift your name up!


What a great song.

Its been 1 year today since I returned from England, so so ill.

Its been a very long and very tough year, but here I am. And I am so thankful to God for bringing me this far. All praise goes to Him, and to Him alone. *big smile*

Baseball!

I played baseball this week for the first time since I became ill in December 2008!!

It felt SO good to get back out there and play. I was mentally preparing myself for the aftermath of playing - the pain and aches and everything that comes with CFS. BUT nothing came. Nothing happened. I felt fine. I didn't have any swelling or redness, or joint pain or muscle aches or weakness. I couldn't believe it!

I can't believe how far God has brought me over the past 2 months. It's unbelievable! It's a miracle, really. So hard to believe that at one point I had to give up the hope of every playing again, and now here I am! I am so so thankful.

All in Perspective

Friday was graduation day at Teen Challenge. In the morning, there was what is called 'Phase Promotion', which celebrates students who pass from one phase of the program to the next phase. Staff are encouraged to attend and I really enjoyed being apart of what is 'actually' going on on the farm and hearing the story of the 2 students who had successfully finished their first 4 months.

That evening there was a graduation ceremony at a local Church, where 2 students were celebrated for completing the program. Again, hearing their stories and how Teen Challenge has been used by God to transform their lives and their relationships with the Lord, was absolutely amazing.

These students, their stories; this is what it's all about. This is why I go to work every morning. This is why I sit at a computer and update spreadsheets and make source payments to the government. Their stories put everything back into perspective, remembering why I'm here and why I'm doing what I'm doing.

There is definitely nothing like seeing 50+ recovering addicts, young and old, singing songs of praise to the Lord with lyrics like - "I called, You answered, and You came to my rescue". Praise God for the transformations He brings through Teen Challenge.

What A Miracle

Well, I still feel like this is all so amazing. I can't believe that I'm here living and working. Man, am I happy. Sometimes I get a little lonely in my apartment, but then I just remind myself where I am and what I'm doing and then I remember how incredibly thankful I am to be here.

I did have one bad day this week. Wednesday I woke up with aches all over my body, something I haven't experienced in weeks. Everything hurt and it was so much work to simply lift up my arm. I went in to work anyway and Jason, the person who is training me, was very gracious and let me do some easy tasks that day because I told him I wasn't feeling well. After work I tried to go and get my B12 shot at a walk in clinic (I of course don't have a doctor here in London) but the ones close to my place all closed at 3 on Wednesday, so I just went home. I called my parents and told them and asked them to pray as I was so scared this would be the beginning of a downward spiral again. And then I went right to bed.

Thursday I woke up and it was all gone.

And I know its because of all my family and friends praying for me. I know my parents called some family that night and asked them to be praying. I dont understand what caused the bad day, I can't figure it out, but I know that God took it away, and it just reminded me of how thankful I am to be here. So even when I get lonely, I'm going to hang onto the truth that I am sure of - that God is with me and He has brought me here, and so there's no better place to be.


Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other
Our God is Healer
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God

-Chris Tomlin, Our God

My First Week Back to Work:

I want to thank everybody for your prayers for me this past week. My first week at work went pretty well, lots to learn but thats always the case with a new job. Honestly, it feels really good to be back serving the Lord. Sometimes I can hardly believe I am actually here working full time after how my health was only a few short months ago.

The only real frustration of the week is my energy level. I manage to get thru the work day but unfortunately I am very very tired by the end of the day and I do absolutely nothing after work except eat, rest and sleep. And on Friday, I was really dragging. I was expecting this so it isn't a surprise. I am hoping it will get better as my body adjusts to a regular work schedule, and hopefully in time I will be able to have some energy outside of work.

Thanks again for all your prayers. They are sustaining me.

Trusting the Lord with more than Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the big day; my first day back at work since my year off dealing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This is a big step, and that probly only makes sense to those who have had similar experiences. Its scary, so I decided I wanted to share some Bible verses that have really been helping me as I trust the Lord with my health and my future.

Prov 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you, be strong and courageous. Do not terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Isaiah 41:10
Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Psalm 28:7
The Lord is my strength and my shield, in Him my heart trusts and I am helped.

Jer 29:11
I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a future and a hope.

Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Romans 8:28
And we know all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.

I've Moved!

Well, well, after months and months of recovering and dealing with life with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I am heading back to work. God has opened the door for me to serve Him here in Ontario at a Christian ministry as the senior bookkeeper. I moved into my new apartment on Thursday, and am starting work on Tuesday. I would really appreciate all of your prayers as I am very nervous and scared to be heading back to work full time. I know I have to take very good care of myself and trust the Lord that my body will be able to handle all that is to come. I am going to miss my family and Chewie, but I do believe this is the right move at this point in time. I'm excited to see what will happen! Here is a picture of my "new" used car!

Family Vacation

On Tuesday, we returned from our family vacation to Northern Ontario. We spent time at the lake and at my brothers. It was a really special trip because of all 9 of our immediate family members were able to spend the weekend together. This rarely happens anymore - only at Christmas basically - so it was so nice to have the time together as a family. As well, we all got to enjoy the newest member of the Smith family - baby Evan - who is already almost 4 months old. On top of everything else, I got to spend some special time with our puppy Chewie before I moved away. Here are some photos!

The entire Smith family including Chewie, plus 2 Grandparents!

Chewie and I enjoying the lake.

A beautiful mother and a beautiful baby.

Awwwwwwwww

Evan continues to learn how to play the family game of Wizard haha

Chewie and I overlooking the lake after hiking to the top of the mountain.

Yes! Alternative Medicine

Well, I'd just like to share an update regarding these alternative medicine treatments I've been getting. First, I would like to say, I'm not one to jump on board with something unless I know it's for real. I too have wasted money on treatments and natural medicines that didn't work so I understand the skepticism.

I've had 4 treatments at New Life Allergy.

And these treatments work for me.

That's the bottom line.

I have been getting stronger and stronger, and getting more and more energy and less and less symptoms. I can hardly believe it. But I'm gonna shout it out, these treatments have been making a big difference in my life.

I am aware that sometimes a treatment may work for one person and not another, so I can't say with certainty that it would be helpful to you specifically, but I can say with absolute certainty that these treatments are helping me live with and cope with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Yay!

Alternative Medicine?

Does anyone have an success stories regarding alternative medicine, natural medicine or Chinese medicine?

Because of my ongoing health struggles, I decided to go to this place called New Life Allergy. I had seen it on tv commercials here in Windsor and they talked about how many health problems stem from an allergy or sensitivity within a body's system to a particular food, nutrient, mineral, vitamin etc. So I decided that since I'm already in the process of eliminating every possible cause of my symptoms, it might be worth ruling out any and all allergies.

I went and got tested for 153 items. It was all computerized testing, which involved holding a probe in 1 hand and a touch of a small probe on 1 finger on the other, one touch for each item. I went back and got my results and this is what she told. She said: I am lactose intolerant, my body is not absorbing nutrients well, my body has a big problem absorbing all B vitamins, I have candida, and I have a virus in my system that is negatively affecting my energy. Now, needless to say, I found this facinating, as it is all true, and she discovered this with the odd probe test she performed.

She SAYS she can help me; that I can have a series of treatments which will clear up all these problems - including my lactose intolerance, which I am very skeptical of. I decided to go ahead and try a few treatments because I figured, I've tried everything else, I might as well try this as well. (Even tho yes, its not cheap.)

The test was weird. I laid on a table on my stomach. She did some tingly, touching or massaging on my back, saying she was opening up my system, and then she proceeded to touch pressure points (she called this acupressure) with a probe which was connected to a metal box containing the items she was testing me for on this treatment. It was over in a matter of a couple minutes. She said I would probly feel extra weird for a day or so, and maaaan was she right. Whatever she did to me, my body felt it! I was awfully weak and dizzy immediately following the treatment, and I felt odd, weird, sore, for the entire day.

Now I don't necessary know if I feel any different this week, but I'm scheduled to go back for 2 more treatments. I dont know about all this. Does this stuff really work?

Sleep Study

This past week I had to attend a 21 hour sleep and nap study at the hospital. It was one of the weirdest experiences I've ever had. Let me tell you about it.

When I first got there, they showed me to my room, told me to get settled and change into my pjs. Then they hooked me up to 21 wires, which didn't include the 2 elastic bands around my torso and chest and a pulse monitor on my finger. I also had to wear a breathing tube across my face and in my nose, which left red marks on my face for 2 days following. They hooked up all the wires on me to the machine by the bed and I settled in for the night. I thought it was for the night, until they starled me over the speaker and begun this series of tests to make sure the monitors were picking up my movements and brain waves?... this included scrunching my toes, swallowing, moving my eyes, and even snorting 5 times in a row. Ya this was all pretty weird.

I tired to get a good night's sleep but inevitably I had to go to the bathroom twice in the night, which meant they had to come unhook me and rehook me up again. I may have had a brief mild 3 am fit of wanting to pull all the wires out so I could move around comfortably. I was then woken up at 6 am and told to get up and get ready for the day. They unhooked 6 wires and left the rest.

The remainder of the day consisted of waiting around for a series of 5 naps, each 2 hours apart - one at 8, 10, 12, 2 and 4. Each nap had the funny series of movement tests before it began, and then I was given 20 minutes to fall asleep or I would be told to get up. I was so exhausted from my condition combined with the horrible night, and yet I was not able to fall asleep during even 1 of the scheduled naps. Maybe the environment was just too weird for me to settle down into.

I'm glad no one was taking pictures of this because I looked a mess. In order to get all the wires hooked up to my face and head, they used some sort of glue? maybe medical glue or something?. Needless to say I had gobs of dried glue all throughout my hair and it took 5 shampoos to get it all out. I have to admit, it was quite an experience; one I am glad is over!

Dear Body of Mine

This is a strange letter. And I feel strange writing this but I need to. You were such a part of my life. I took you for granted, like so many things in life. I didn’t take care of you enough. I wasn’t careful about how I treated you and what I put into you. You use to be able to do so many things; you use to have such natural stamina. You use to be strong and could last through anything. You could do anything. But now, you are weak. You are hurting and aching. You have no stamina and you are not working properly. And all those plans I had for you are gone.

I don’t like admitting this but I need to learn to live with a changed you.

I have to let go. I am letting you go. I’m saying goodbye to the way you use to be, to the things I use to do with you and all the things you did for me. And now I’m going to be thankful for what I have now, what I can still do. I don’t like it but it’s necessary. And when I start to dwell on the way you used to be and all that you could do, I’ll say goodbye again and look with appreciation at what I still have.

Rebecca

God is in Control

This is no time for fear
This is a time for faith and determination
Don't lose the vision here
Carried away by emotion
Hold on to all that you hide in your heart
There is one thing that has always been true
It holds the world together

God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control

History marches on
There is a bottom line drawn across the ages
Culture can make its plan
Oh, but the line never changes
No matter how the deception may fly
There is one thing that has always been true
It will be true forever

God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control

He has never let you down
Why start to worry now?
He is still the Lord of all we see
And He is still the loving Father
Watching over you and me

God is in control
We believe that His children will not be forsaken
God is in control
We will choose to remember and never be shaken
There is no power above or beside Him, we know
God is in control, oh God is in control

While I'm Waiting...

I wanted to share this song with you. It's a great song I've come to love during this time of my life. It's by John Waller, and its featured in the movie Fireproof (which is a great Christian movie you should watch if you haven't already seen it).

Family Matters!

I would like to make an important announcement. Family Matters Season 1 was released today - June 8th, 2010 - on DVD for the first time ever. Oh yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, Steve Urkel and the Winslow gang are back!!!

Northern Ontario!

I'm back from a week's holiday in Northern Ontario. We went to the cottage and to my brother's to see baby Evan. Here are a few pictures.

The weather was unseasonably gorgeous (with no humidity!). And although the bugs like to eat me, the lake was relaxing and not to mention beautiful.

My precious nephew Evan is growing and healthy and is absolutely adorable.

Evan learning to play Wizard at a very young age! He has the games gene too!

The trip finished with seeing 2 moose by the highway on the drive back south.

What is CFS?

Lots of people have been asking me, "what exactly is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?". It's hard to describe in one sentence so I found this video that would help my friends and family understand. It would mean a lot of me if you would watch it. I really want more people to understand what this illness is all about. It is kinda long but the first half has the most important information. Please watch:

Come Together Now for Haiti

So I was looking up the winners of the GMA Dove awards - Christian music awards - that happened in April and I came across this song.

This song was written by Michael W Smith and he gathered together Christian music artists to sing this song to remind everyone of the need for the people in Haiti following the earthquake. The artists included Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Mandisa, TobyMac (and the other DC Talk boys), Margaret Becker, the Newsboys, Nichole C Mullen, the Katinas, Point of Grace, Rachael Lampa, Matthew West and a ton of other artists whose names or faces I dont recognize.

I just thought this was really great and it was actually recorded on January 28th, before the other 2 Haiti songs were recorded: Wavin Flag by young Canadian artists on February 18th, and We Are the World by various artists on February 1st. Those songs are great too, but I like the fact that the Christian artists wanted to contribute and that the website has Samaritian's Purse on it. The video actually gave me goosebumps the first time I watched it. What do you think?

To donate or purchase song: http://www.cometogethernowhaiti.com/

PS: This song is not to be confused by a different song called Come Together Now sung by a different group of artists back in 2006 I think for the Hurricane relief.

Wait.

So I have this poem. I have no idea where I got it or how long I've had it but I was looking back at my journal and I found this and I thought it so perfectly describes what I'm going through right now with my ongoing struggle with CFS and trying to get back to normal health and life. Its kinda long but I think its worth sharing. I pray that I actually believe every word, not just on the surface but deep down in my heart. Here it goes:


Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
and the Master so gently said "Child you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I can relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a yes, a go ahead sign,
or even a no to which I can resign.

And Lord you promised that if we believe
we need but to ask and we shall recieve.
And Lord I've been asking and this is my cry:
I'm wearing of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
and grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and his eyes wept with mine
and He tenderly said "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

All you seek I could give and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want - but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
as the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
You'd know that I give and I save, for a start.
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart,

the glow of My comfort late into the late,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight,
the depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
of an Infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee
what it means that "my grace is sufficient for Thee".
Yes your dreams for an answer overnight would come true
But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So be silent my Child, and in time you will see
That the greatest gift is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may my answers seem terriby late
my most precious answer of all is still WAIT."

My Nephew

So my mom and I recently drove all the way up to Sudbury for a short visit with my brother and sister in law and their new baby Evan. It was a quick trip (Sunday to Wednesday), and it was pretty exhausting on my body so I slept alot but it was worth it. He is so cute and attentive. When someone is talking to him, he really looks at you like he is trying to understand or wondering what is going on. He must be gonna be really smart! Haha And he doesn't even cry hardly at all. He is very happy just sucking on this thumb/fingers or on his soother. I also got to play on their Wii which was really fun too. I can't wait to go back and see how much Evan changes over time!

Life on Hold, for now....

I don't really want to talk about this because I don't want my intentions to be misunderstood, but I think I should just recap for those of you who don't know the whole situation. So if you already know my situation, don't bother reading this.

Right now I'm living at home because I'm suffering from a chronic illness. It all started with getting mono at the end of 2008 and then moving to England in 2009 to work with a Christian missionary organization. I was thoroughly enjoying my job serving the Lord in England but I was still suffering from the virus. The virus finally cleared up in May but then my symptoms actually got way worse. I finally decided to come home last September beause my health was so bad that I could barely work and I knew that I needed to get better. After lots of testing in England before I left and then again in Canada, the doctors concluded that I either have Post Viral Fatigue Syndrome or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The difference (I think) is that CFS I'll always have, altho with different intensities, but Post Viral will go away once my body can recover from the insane viral infection that destroyed my immune system. This can take years apparently.

So right now I continue to see doctors and specialists (and I'm doing lots of research on my own) who are helping me to figure out how to recover from this illness or how to live with and manage this illness indefinitely. So that's the scoop.

My Blog!

So this is my first post on my new blog. Since my life is in kind of a weird place right now, I'm going to use this blog to discuss stuff going on with my life - about my illness, about what God is teaching me during all this, maybe a little about my family, and maybe some random stuff from time to time. Be sure to check back now and again. Thanks for reading!