"Glory follows Suffering, and Life follows Death."

This week has been one of the toughest and confusing weeks I've had here in London. Full of frustrations, stresses, confusion, disappointments - my emotions running so high - and yet still in a flash, some amazing moments I will forever cherish. I've felt my flesh side fighting against what I know is best for me and for the moment, and felt so conflicted between my emotions and my logic. And ahhhhhhh, I can't really describe it all to you.

But what I can describe to you is what I've been reminded of this afternoon as I've spent some time with the Lord focusing on what I know He has told me is TRUE.

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed I count all things as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake, I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish in order that I may gain Christ and be found in Him - not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, a righteousness from God that depends on faith. That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and may share in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible, I may attain resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already attained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers I do not consider that I have made it my own. but one thing I do - forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead - I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phil 3:7-14

"You can't have a testimony without a test." - John Osteen

"Never doubt in the darkness what Jesus reveals in the light."

"Be encouraged - for where there is a shadow, there's a light."

"The task ahead of me is never as great as the power behind me."

"If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

"Sometimes the Lord calms the storm, sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child."

"Remember the shortest bridge between despair and hope is often a good 'Thank You Jesus'."

"We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking only to learn that it is God who is shaking them." - Charles West.

Quotes from Why by Anne Graham Lotz:

"Joy also in this - that your suffering, your losses and your persecutions shall make you a platform from which the more vigorously and with greater power you shall witness to Christ Jesus." - Charles Spurgeon

"The greatest place to be is in the center of God's will. Because when we are in God's will, He takes full responsibility for us. And although bad things may happen, we have the assurance that they are for our good and His glory."

"If God were small enough for us to understand, He would not be big enough to save us."

"Glory follows suffering and life follows death."

"Are you interpreting His love by your circumstances instead of your circumstances by His love?

"To our heart-wrenched cries of 'why?' God's ultimate answer is JESUS as He is glorified and magnified in our lives through our suffering."

"As the Clay" Explained...

I'm reading this book called "Why? Trusting God When You Don't Understand" by Anne Graham Lotz. There's a passage in the very first chapter that really struck me, and it explains exactly where I was coming from when I titled this blog "As the Clay" and wrote the little tag line to go with it. Here it is:

"The principle that suffering leads to glory is illustrated in Scripture by a vivid description of clay on the Potter's wheel - clay that was once cracked, shattered, and broken, clay that was totally useless and ugly. The Potter took the clay and broke it down even further, grinding it into dust, then moistening it with water before He put it on His wheel and began to remake it into a vessel pleasing to Himself. The cracks and chips and broken pieces disappeared as the clay became soft and pliable to the Potter's touch. He firmly applied pressure on some areas, touched lightly on other areas, added more clay to a specific spot that needed filling, and removed clay that hindered the shape that would make it useful for His ultimate purpose. As He turned the wheel, His loving gentle hands never left the clay as He molded and made it after His will.
Finally, the Potter finished remolding the clay and took it off the wheel. Under His skilled, gentle hands, the once-ugly clay had been transformed into a vessel that had shape and purpose. He added colour, carefully painting on a unique design. But the clay was still soft and weak, the colour dull and drab. So the Potter placed the vessel into the fiery kiln, carefully keeping His eye on it as He submitted it to the raging heat. At a time He alone determined was sufficient, the Potter withdrew the pot from the furnace. The blazing heat had radically transformed the clay into a vessel of strength and glorious multi-coloured beauty. Then the Potter put it in His showcase so that others might see the revelation of His glory in the work of His hands.
The spiritual principle is that in some way God uses suffering to transform ordinary, dust-clay people into vessels that are strong in faith, vessels that are fit for His use, vessels that display His glory to the watching world."

Weekend @ Home!

I was able to go home this past weekend - for Thanksgiving, but also for both of my parents birthdays. It was really special for me to be able to be there and celebrate with them. Mom, Dad, Kristi, Chewie and I had a great weekend together. The only problem I have with going home is that I find myself feeling pretty lonely when I get back to my quiet apartment in London. It's too bad Chewie doesnt like my small apartment or she would make a great companion. But don't worry Kristi, she doesnt like it here! hahaha

Book Review: Passion and Purity

I recently finished reading Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. It was highly recommended to me quite a while ago so I finally decided to give it a read.

So what did I think....well, personally I found it a little long, and at certain points in the book, I was quite frustrated with Jim's actions. I know, funny for me to say considering how amazing a person Jim Elliot was, but I'm just being honest. But I do know that the book was full of wise words from a Godly woman. Here are some quotes that touched me:

"Until your affections are brought under the authority of Christ, we have not begun to understand, let alone to accept, His Lordship.

"If my life is broken when given to Jesus, it is because the pieces will feed a multitude, while a loaf will satisfy only a little lad."

"the heart set to do the Father's will need never fear defeat."

"What has been like water from the well of Bethlehem to you recently? Love, friendship, spiritual blessing? Then at the peril of your soul you take it to satisfy yourself. If you do, you cannot pour it out before the Lord. How am I to pour out spiritual gifts or natural frienship or love? How can I give them to the Lord? In one way only-in the determination of the mind, and that takes about two seconds. If I hold spiritual blessings or friendship (or love) for myself they will corrupt me, no matter how beautiful they are. I have to pour them out before the Lord, give them to Him in my mind, though it looks as if I am wasting them, even as David poured the water out on the sand, to be instantly sucked up." - Oswald Chambers

"The majority will sacrifice anything - security, honor, self-respect, the welfare of people they love, obedience to God - to passion. They will even tell themselves that they are obeying God (or at least that He doesn't mind) and congratulate themselves for being so free, so released, so courageous, so honest and "up front"."

"The greater the potential for good, the greater the potential for evil. That is what Jim and I found in the force of the love we bore for each other. A good and perfect gift, these natural desires. But so much the more necessary that they be restrained, controlled, corrected, even crucified, that they might be reborn into power and purity for God...His we were, all the rights were His, all the perogatives to give or to withhold according to the pattern of His will."

"Lovesickness may seem a trifle compared with other maladies, but the one who is sick with love is sick indeed, and the Heavenly Father understands that."

"We are not meant to die merely in order to be dead. God could not want that for the creatures to whom He has given the breath of life. We die in order to live."

"If the yearnings went away, what would we have to offer up to the Lord? Aren't they given to us to offer? It is the control of passion, not the eradication, that is needed. How would we learn to submit to the authority of Christ if we had nothing to submit?"

"Let's be candid with ourselves before God. Call a spade a spade or even a muddy shovel. If your passions are aroused, say so - to yourself and to God, not to the object of your passion. Then turn the reins over to God. Bring your will to Him. Will to obey Him, ask for His help. He will not do the obeying for you, but He will help you. Dont' ask me how. He knows. You'll see."

"We're created men and women. If Adam needed Eve and she was made for him, isn't it natural, then, isn't it altogether fitting and proper, that men and women should hunger for each other? It is natural indeed. However, it's not the only thing God has in mind for us. We are not meant to live merely by what is natural. We need to learn to live by the supernatural. Ordinary fare will not fill the emptiness in our hearts. Bread will not suffice. We need extraordinary fare. We need manna. How else will we learn to eat it, if we are never hungry? How will we educate our tastes for heavenly things if we are surfeited with earthly? Sex simply will not suffice any more than bread will. My heart was saying, "Lord, take away this longing, or give me that for which I long." The Lord was answering, "I must teach you to long for something better." "...He fed you on manna which neither you nor your fathers had known before, to teach you that men cannot live on bread alone but lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.""

Book Review: Coping with Chronic Illness

I finished reading this book a while ago (Coping with Chronic Illness by H Norman Wright and Lynn Ellis) but I took notes as I was reading, and this morning I went back and reviewed them. I’ve decided to share some of the great things I’ve learned with you.

I am NOT my Fibromyalgia. I am NOT my chronic fatigue syndrome. I am a person not an illness. I’m not just my aching muscles or hurting joints. I am more than this. I am more than my body. I am a choice person, a child of the King. I am loved just as I am. I know that my true identity is not found in my body or in my accomplishments in this world; I am not just my flesh and bones. I am a child of God and God adores me. It is with this realization in mind that I have learned to cope with the worldly losses that come with these illnesses. These losses are a crucial upset in my life. But is it the end of my life? NO. These diagnoses are not a death sentence. They are an invitation to rebuild my life in a new and meaningful way; to develop a new normal. I can still have a rich and fulfilling life. Grief has been my companion and has taught me a lot but I can use it now to grow into a stronger person than I was before my losses, and now I can be used by God in a way that I could not before.

There are 3 important steps that I need to take for learning to live with these illnesses:

1. First, I need to learn to accept my limitations so that I can move on. I need to let go of my unrealistic expectations. I need to learn phrases like “I would like to, but today I can’t”, “I used to be able to participate, but now I’m an observer”. See a part of me is searching for the old me and part of me is struggling with cutting my losses and getting on with it – although it would certainly help if I knew what “it” was going to be. But I have to learn to accept this uncertainly in my life. Dwelling on the uncertainty takes an incredible amount of energy, which drains my already limited physical energy. Add that with self doubt as I worry about what others think when they look at me like I’m just lazy and it’s a recipe for disaster. I have to believe myself. I know my body. I know myself. My symptoms are real no matter what others think and I don’t need their validation. I may not have control over my illness but I do have control over what I think and I won’t let others have control over me. Which leads me to point number two.

2. I need to rebuild my thought life. Attitude is key and I need to remember to focus on the cans and not the can’ts; focus on what I know and not on what I don’t know. Remember that I do have control over this part of my life and I will not be slave to negative thoughts or self pity. Focus on the positive, be optimistic and rebuild the hope for a great future. Surrounding myself with good positive people will be a great help for this.

3. The last point is to find something I am passionate about that I am still able to do. This is still something I am working on. I can’t be physically active a lot, and I can’t be out and about often either, but as I learn to manage my illness, I hopefully won’t need to sleep all the time, so I need to find something positive to fill the quiet evenings in my life. This is still something I am praying about.


I hope I am able to help at least one person out there who is reading this.

If nothing else, just remember this one line that stood out to me from the book: “Give yourself permission not to know what, not to know how, and not to know when. God is holding you and He knows the direction of your drift.”